There are a number of reasons why couples stop having regular sex, and every situation is different. According to McNeil, the most common reason for a sexless marriage or relationship is simply exhaustion from your daily routine. You get up at five, go for a run, head to work, call your mom, make dinner, and next thing you know, bam, it’s 10 p.m., and you’re knocked out on the couch. The next day, it’s the same old story.
“What typically happens is that couples get into the business of ‘being in a relationship’ versus cultivating a connection,” McNeil says. “For some, sex can begin to feel like another box to check on their to-do list. The thought of having to get their mojo on and ‘perform’ sexually loses its shine when they just worked a 10-hour shift.”
Major betrayals, resentment, or unresolved conflict can also contribute to a lack of sex and intimacy. Even little things like leaving the dishes undone or letting clean laundry stay unfolded — if left unaddressed — can fester to the point where one partner just loses interest altogether.
“Withdrawing from being intimate can start to feel like a physical shield that protects the wounded partner from experiencing too much vulnerability,” McNeil says. “Sometimes taking sex off the table can feel like a way to take back control in the relationship.”
It’s also important to note that physical injuries, certain medications, or health conditions can negatively affect your sex life. For instance, if your partner is dealing with depression (or taking medication to treat said depression), that may be causing a decrease in their libido.
