With the loss of three major sponsors, Primanti Bros. faces an uncertain future. The once-thriving sandwich empire now finds itself in a precarious position, caught between a boycott that shows no signs of letting up and a tarnished reputation that could take years to rebuild.

Experts predict that the sandwich chain may soon be forced to make some tough decisions. Rumors are already swirling about potential layoffs, location closures, and a possible rebranding effort to distance the chain from the political fallout. Some insiders suggest that Primanti Bros. may even begin courting new, less controversial sponsors in an effort to stem the financial bleeding.

But for many loyal fans, the damage has already been done. “Primanti used to be about sandwiches, not politics,” said one long-time customer. “Now I can’t even enjoy a sandwich without thinking about the drama. Maybe it’s time to find a new lunch spot.”

At the end of the day, the J.D. Vance-Primanti Bros. fallout is yet another example of what happens when politics intersects with everyday life. Once upon a time, you could go into a restaurant, order a giant sandwich, and not worry about which political candidate the establishment was favoring. But those days, it seems, are long gone.

As Primanti Bros. grapples with the loss of its sponsors and customers alike, one thing is clear: the era of neutral sandwich-making is over. Whether you’re team Vance or team Harris, it looks like even your lunch order is now a political statement. And with that, we say goodbye to the humble, drama-free sandwich.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s Not True.