“No more pandering,” Musk stated bluntly. “We’re not here to tell people how to think or what’s socially acceptable. We’re here to give them the facts and let them decide for themselves.”

Under Musk, it’s likely that viewers will see a reduction in the network’s segments that delve into social justice issues. Instead, there will be a renewed focus on economic policies, scientific breakthroughs, and maybe even a weekly segment on how to survive the inevitable AI apocalypse.

As news of Musk’s potential CNN acquisition spread, reactions ranged from elation to horror. Some fans took to X to express their excitement, eagerly anticipating the changes that Musk would undoubtedly bring. “Finally! CNN will actually be worth watching again,” one user posted. “Imagine Elon Musk running a media network. What could go wrong?” another commented, rather sarcastically.

On the other hand, critics argue that Musk’s involvement in a news network could lead to even more polarization in the media landscape. “Does the man who controls Twitter, Tesla, and SpaceX also need to control the news?” asked one detractor. “We might as well rename CNN ‘Elon News Network.’”

Even some of Musk’s supporters have raised concerns. “I love Elon, but do we really need him reshaping every aspect of our lives? The guy’s already sending us to Mars. Let’s leave the news to the journalists,” commented a user on Reddit.

Whether Elon Musk’s grand CNN takeover materializes remains to be seen. But one thing is certain: if anyone could transform a network like CNN, it’s the man who’s built electric cars, conquered space travel, and somehow managed to make flamethrowers cool. For now, Musk-watchers are eagerly waiting to see if the Tesla tycoon’s media ambitions will actually become reality.

In the meantime, Musk continues to drop tantalizing hints about what he might do next. “I’m just saying,” Musk concluded in a recent interview, “if CNN was reporting like they should have been, we’d be living on Mars already.”

Maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s not True.