“I’ve tried everything,” Kaepernick said in his podcast interview, sounding a bit like someone who’s done with their day job and ready to move to Bali to start a meditation retreat. “I kneeled, I donated, I worked with organizations. But at the end of the day, it feels like the country just isn’t listening. And if America won’t respect me for the work I’ve done, maybe Russia will.”

Yes, because if there’s one country known for its deep respect for outspoken athletes and social justice warriors, it’s Russia.

When asked why he’d choose Russia, of all places, Kaepernick’s response was as cryptic as it was eyebrow-raising. “Look, I know what you’re thinking,” he said, pausing dramatically as if he could hear the collective confusion through the airwaves. “But hear me out. Russia has this… strength. This toughness. They don’t pretend to care about things they don’t care about. It’s pure. Uncomplicated.”

Kaepernick went on to explain that, in his mind, America has become “too soft,” with its endless political debates and “performative wokeness” not leading to real change. “In Russia, you know where you stand. I respect that.”

It’s unclear whether Kaepernick has actually done any research into the current political climate of Russia, where dissent isn’t exactly rewarded with job offers or endorsement deals. Nevertheless, the quarterback seemed convinced that the respect he craves might be found in a country where protesting athletes are more likely to be sidelined in ways far more permanent than anything Roger Goodell could dream up