“We’re done with debates. Completely,” the official continued. “No more moderators getting yelled at, no more advertisers jumping ship, and no more real-time corrections that turn our stage into a game show where facts actually matter.”

So, what does this mean for future political debates? If ABC’s decision is any indication, the days of fact-checking, journalistic integrity, and high production value may be behind us.

Insiders suggest that the 2028 election debates will be unmoderated, unstructured, and held on the front lawns of the candidates themselves. “It’ll be like the Wild West out there,” one political analyst joked. “Just candidates shouting at each other while the audience throws tomatoes—or tweets.”

In fact, ABC’s rivals are reportedly eyeing the situation closely, wondering whether they should get in on this new wave of debate-free debates. “Why bother moderating at all?” asked one industry insider. “Just let the candidates talk for two hours, sell ad spots in between the shouting, and call it a night. No one fact-checks anyway—it’s all about entertainment now.”

As news of ABC’s advertising exodus spread, it became a trending topic on social media, where users debated not the issues of the candidates, but which brand was the first to bail. #WhoJumpedFirst quickly became the hashtag of the week.

“I’m just mad that my favorite cereal brand bailed before the second half of the debate,” tweeted one user. “Now I’ll never know if Trump was right about the aliens hiding in cornfields.”

Another user posted, “I wasn’t even watching the debate, but I’m here for the chaos. Losing $27 million in one night? That’s record-breaking!”

ABC, in damage control mode, tried to downplay the controversy by offering a free 30-day streaming trial for anyone who had been “emotionally affected” by the debate fallout. Spoiler alert: It didn’t work.

For ABC, the future is now a murky, fact-checked-at-every-turn path. With $27 million gone and five major advertisers retreating faster than a political candidate faced with a tough question, the network has to reconsider its approach to hosting political events.

“We’ll still cover the news, obviously,” said the exasperated ABC spokesperson. “But as for debates? We’ll leave those to the networks who are willing to take the risk. Maybe Fox News or CNN will be braver than us—or just more willing to lose $27 million.”

And so, with its final debate behind it, ABC bows out of the political stage, leaving behind a legacy of bold fact-checking, angry advertisers, and a pile of shredded contracts. But if there’s one thing we’ve learned from this ordeal, it’s that in 2024, even facts come with a price tag—and ABC is no longer willing to pay it.