The moderators stopped former President Donald Trump mid-sentence several times to correct false claims, including his infamous assertion that Ohio immigrants were eating pets and that Democrats supported “executing babies after birth.” These moments, while earning applause from viewers who appreciate reality, didn’t sit well with advertisers looking for a good, drama-free ROI on their millions.

One of the first advertisers to pull out was a luxury car brand, whose spokesperson lamented, “When we signed up to sponsor the debate, we didn’t realize it would turn into a live fact-checking extravaganza. We expected a classy, uninterrupted political brawl, not a ‘Gotcha!’ fest.”

Soon after, a major fast-food chain followed suit, saying, “Look, we’re all for informed voting, but our customers don’t come to ABC for facts. They come for spectacle. Our customers want to enjoy their burgers and fries without the uncomfortable side dish of reality-checking.”

And so, one by one, major advertisers jumped ship, leaving ABC’s finance department scrambling to figure out how they lost $27 million faster than Trump could shout “fake news!”

The debate, while a ratings hit, quickly became a nightmare for the network’s marketing team. It wasn’t just about the fact-checking—it was the entire atmosphere. The moderators, despite their best efforts, had managed to alienate everyone. Trump supporters accused them of bias, Harris fans complained they were too soft, and even the ABC fact-checkers themselves reportedly filed grievances, claiming they were overworked and underappreciated.

But the real blow came when the advertisers—those sweet, moneybags sponsors—decided they’d had enough.

“We paid for prime time ad spots, not political commentary,” fumed an executive from one of the now-absent sponsors. “I was halfway through our product placement for a high-end electric car when suddenly Muir is talking about Springfield, Ohio’s dog-eating crisis. I’m sorry, but that’s not the kind of attention we’re looking for.”

Another advertiser, a household cleaning product brand, pulled no punches in their criticism. “We clean up messes, but ABC made one so big even our best-selling bleach can’t fix it.”