In a plot twist that could only happen in 2024, ABC has officially lost five major advertisers following the fallout from its controversial handling of the latest presidential debate. The network, known for its polished news broadcasts and long-standing tradition of hosting political events, has now been hit where it hurts most: its wallet. The post-debate advertiser exodus has cost ABC a whopping $27 million, with the network now vowing to never, ever host another debate again.

“We’re done,” said an exasperated ABC spokesperson during an impromptu press conference. “We hosted debates to promote democracy, but it turns out we were just promoting cancellations.”

The trouble began on Tuesday night when ABC’s moderators, David Muir and Linsey Davis, dared to do something radical during the presidential debate: they fact-checked. Real-time. On live television. As if anyone tunes into a presidential debate expecting the truth.