The internet, fragile creature that it is, imploded. Outside Rapinoe’s home, a yard sale sprouted. Among items for sale: soccer jerseys, signed footballs, and a slightly worn pair of cleats. A cheeky sign read: “Sold to the highest bidder or best compliment-giver.”

Megan’s hunt for a new homeland was akin to a reality TV show. Would it be France, with its croissants and chic style? Or perhaps Brazil, home of samba and soccer legends? Cameras followed as she tried on different cultures. In Japan, she learned origami. In Spain, she danced the flamenco. Yet, everywhere she went, the haunting memory of that missed kick followed.

Rapinoe, not one to keep fans in suspense, hosted a press conference. With the world’s media hanging onto her every word, she dramatically announced, “I’ve found a new home! A place where missed penalties are celebrated and critics are… well, silent.”

The screen behind her lit up, showing… her backyard. “I’ve founded my own country! Welcome to Rapinoland, where every day is a soccer day, and we respect all, kicks or no kicks.”