Within minutes of the debate’s conclusion, social media exploded. The hashtags #BoycottABC and #FakeNewsNetwork trended faster than anyone could have anticipated, with Trump supporters accusing the network of stifling free speech. Even those who leaned left weren’t pleased, with some viewers arguing that the moderators failed to hold Harris equally accountable, or, worse, that the debate was simply unwatchable due to the excessive interruptions.

Caught between two angry mobs, ABC was left scrambling. No amount of PR damage control could contain the uproar, and before long, advertisers began pulling out of future programming. Facing a wave of public outrage that made the Hindenburg look like a small campfire, ABC executives convened an emergency meeting to figure out how to save the network’s reputation. And that’s when they decided that the best course of action was to wipe the slate clean—by firing every single person employed by the network.

“It was an all-hands-on-deck situation, so we figured no hands left on deck was the solution,” said one former ABC executive. “It’s not personal. Well, it is personal, but it’s also survival. Our reputation was at stake, and letting people go is the easiest way to show the public we mean business.”

ABC’s mass firing wasn’t just a culling of the newsroom—it was a network-wide sweep. The entire staff, from veteran anchors to junior producers, was let go without warning. Even those who had nothing to do with the debate—such as the janitorial staff and cafeteria workers—found themselves with pink slips by the end of the day.

“I was just here to make sure the floors were clean and the snacks were stocked,” said one cafeteria worker, clutching a bag of leftover pretzels as they left the ABC building for the last time. “But I guess in today’s media landscape, even refilling the coffee machine is political.”

Moderators David Muir and Linsey Davis were among the first to be axed, despite their valiant attempts to keep the debate on track. “We did what we thought was right,” Muir was overheard saying as he packed up his framed Emmy awards. “But in the end, I guess facts don’t pay the bills.”

Now, with an empty newsroom and a network in crisis, ABC executives are already brainstorming new ways to avoid future backlash. One bold idea? Ditch moderators altogether.