As the story goes, Walz entered the restaurant, perhaps under the illusion that his status as a vice-presidential nominee might earn him some VIP treatment—or at least a friendly handshake from Shaq, the restaurant’s towering owner. But instead, he received something far less flattering: a one-way ticket to humiliation town, courtesy of Shaq’s larger-than-life personality.

“Tim Walz walked in here like he was somebody,” Shaq reportedly said to employees afterward, shaking his head. “I don’t know if he thought I’d roll out the red carpet or something, but I just couldn’t do it. The man’s been nothing but a disappointment lately.”

Witnesses said Walz ordered a classic chicken sandwich combo, with an extra side of humility he didn’t ask for. It was when he tried to introduce himself to Shaq that the tension began to build. Walz, apparently unaware that Shaq has no patience for political fluff, allegedly greeted him with a generic “Hey, big man, love what you’re doing with the restaurant!”

Big mistake. Huge.

Shaq, known for being affable but never afraid to call things like he sees them, didn’t hold back. “Oh, you love what I’m doing?” he reportedly replied, raising an eyebrow that could have crushed Walz’s spirits all on its own. “Let me tell you what I don’t love: disappointment. And right now, you’re the face of it.”

What followed was the kind of epic dressing-down that’s usually reserved for reality show eliminations, not fast-casual dining. According to multiple sources, Shaq, who is also known for his brief stint as a law enforcement officer, proceeded to lecture Walz on everything from his lackluster political record to his inability to unite even his own distant relatives—referring, of course, to the viral story of Walz’s extended family wearing “Walz’s for Trump” shirts.

“You can’t even get your own family on board,” Shaq allegedly boomed, his voice reverberating off the restaurant’s walls. “You’re supposed to be the next vice president, but you’re getting outclassed by your third cousin from Nebraska in a MAGA hat. That’s embarrassing, man.”

By this point, customers had started to gather, phones out, recording what could easily become the most memorable political takedown since the Kennedy-Nixon debates. Only, instead of discussing foreign policy, it was Shaq explaining why Walz should’ve stayed home instead of coming to Big Chicken.

“And don’t even get me started on your military record,” Shaq continued, pointing a giant finger at Walz, whose face had reportedly gone from campaign-slick to downright clammy. “All this ‘stolen valor’ talk? Retiring before your unit went to Iraq? You’ve got to own up to that stuff, man. Own up, or get out.”

Eyewitnesses said that Shaq then leaned in close, towering over Walz, and uttered the fatal words: “Don’t come back here until you fix yourself. I don’t serve disappointment. Not in my house.”

As soon as Shaq delivered the verbal slam dunk, Walz, now visibly shaken, reportedly tried to make a quick exit. Bystanders described it as “the most awkward walk of shame ever,” with Walz desperately attempting to maintain his dignity while the sound of Shaq’s booming laughter filled the restaurant.